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Love

Surround yourself with those you love, and show love and compassion to yourself.

Grieving is hard work so let go of any ‘should’s and ‘could’s; you are doing the best you can.

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Understand

Read our information about the body’s response to trauma.

When a baby or child dies suddenly and unexpectedly, everything can feel out of control, including how our body and emotions are feeling. Understanding why our body is reacting in the way it does, can help us to feel more in control again. The Lullaby Trust has a trauma resource explains the traumatic responses to sudden bereavement and tips on how to cope if you are experiencing them.

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Listen

Listen to our bereavement playlist.

Listening to music can help you to regulate your emotions. It can connect you to feelings of grief, providing a sense of relief when you need one, and it can remind your body of happier times, connecting you to those happy hormones which will lift your spirits.

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Laugh

Laugh when you can.

Bereaved family members often worry about showing signs of joy. Laughter and joy do not mean you are missing the baby or child any less, but they can help to nourish your wellbeing, to give you the strength to get through the time ahead.

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Ask

Asking for what you need enables your support network to help in a meaningful way.

In an ideal world people would instinctively know what to say to us, or how to support us. The reality is they don’t. People will instinctively want to help, but we are all unique and what feels helpful to one person may not to another (even to members of the same family). By voicing your needs you are enabling them to do that in a way which truly feels helpful to you and avoiding the misunderstandings that can occur when people unintentionally get it wrong.

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Breathe

Breathe deeply and slowly.

Breathing deeply and slowly has been shown to lower stress hormones, blood pressure and heart rate making us feels calmer overall.  

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Yoga and meditation

Connecting body and mind aids relaxation.

Activities which connect the body and the mind, such as Yoga, can help us to relax, increase the ability to focus and can improve strength.  

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Tackle one thing

Tackle one thing at a time.

In the early days it might be just getting through one moment at a time, then one task or event. Stay in the moment, thinking too far ahead can increase feelings of overwhelm and loss of control.

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Routine

Routines restore a sense of rhythm.

Maintaining a routine with things like bedtime, meal times and personal care, can help you to restore a sense of rhythm to what feels like a turbulent time.

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Unwind

Relaxation is restorative.

Moments of calm and relaxation, such as watching a box set, reading a book (see our bereavement book list), sitting in the garden, or snuggling up with a pet, can feel restorative and build up our reserves for when the waves of grief hit.

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Support

Seek support from The Lullaby Trust.

The Lullaby Trust Support team will give you a confidential listening space to talk about your experiences, your feelings and the baby or young child that died. Call 0808 802 6868 (weekdays 10am-2pm, weekends/public hols 6-10pm) or email support@lullabytrust.org.uk

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Talk

Talk to someone who has had a similar experience.

Our support team can put you in regular contact with a Lullaby Trust befriender; a trained bereaved family member with lived experience of the death of a baby or young child. To be put in contact with a befriender, please contact the support team using the details above.